"MetaGagement-HR" with Dr. Lyman Montgomery and Anne Scottlin, MA, CPC

The Power of Empathy and Emotional Release in Personal Growth and Business Success

Lyman Montgomery, PhD and Anne Scottlin

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Have you ever considered the transformative power of replacing "I can't" with "I can"? This episode's conversation with Ann Scotland and Dr. Lyman Montgomery of MetaMindstream revolves around the profound impact empathy and authentic human connections have on personal growth and business success. We share a heartwarming tale about a hairstylist's metamorphosis into a lawyer, a testament to the incredible journey that awaits when we foster belief in ourselves and others. Delving into the world of effective communication, we examine how clarity can minimize errors in team interactions and customer service, setting the stage for a flourishing enterprise.

But what happens to our emotional well-being when society expects us to maintain perpetual composure? I recount a grueling 16-hour flight to Turkey, a scenario that will resonate with many, as we tackle the negative effects of suppressing our emotions and the cultural norms that often discourage us from venting. Discover techniques like timed venting sessions and the art of asking validating questions, tools that encourage healthier emotional management. By the end of our discussion, you'll see the value in creating safe spaces for emotional release and recognize the necessity of embracing empathy not only in business but in every facet of life. Join us for an insightful exploration of the delicate balance between understanding ourselves and connecting with others.

Speaker 1:

I would just say this keep connecting. You know, it's one thing to just reach across the aisle, whether virtually or physically, but that doesn't necessarily touch, doesn't always mean connection, Connection of the mind, the heart and the soul. So keep connecting, genuinely and authentically Connect. I love that.

Speaker 2:

I love that Connecting and connect with someone else today.

Speaker 3:

Unleash your potential with MetaMindstream disrupting possibilities. Dive into the fusion of positive neuroscience and business strategies with Ann Scotland and Dr Lyman Montgomery. Break free from limiting beliefs, expand extraordinary lives and boost business profitability.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back, so happy to have you here today. Welcome back to MetaMindstream, where we're disrupting what's possible, which means we are calling the impossible possible. We are finding all of the excuses that we make in everyday life because things just are the way they are and we're taking life meta, aren't we, dr Lyman Montgomery?

Speaker 1:

Absolutely absolutely. We're taking life meta.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. I have an extra sexy voice today because I lost my voice a few days ago, so I'm just going to work it. If I cough, you'll know why Anyhow, so welcome, welcome back. This is a feature of our business, where we are partners, focused MetaMindset, and the purpose of our business is profitability simplified. We help individuals and businesses and corporations find profitability and simplify it through the tools of neuroscience and actionable business strategies that match up with neuroscience, which is it's not only useful and practical, but it's just fun, absolutely fun.

Speaker 1:

I'm cracking up because you're yeah.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I know it's going to be so fun. It's kind of cool. It's kind of cool like you and my host. I was talking to someone the other day, last night, and they're like you sound like a frog. I was like, thank you.

Speaker 1:

So can you remind me of one of those commercials where they're trying to sell perfume?

Speaker 2:

Oh, right right.

Speaker 1:

All right.

Speaker 2:

Ian, my name is Ian Scotland.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I can't do it when.

Speaker 4:

I try, there we go.

Speaker 2:

Okay, here we go. So our show guys. Thank you so much for joining us here again today. This is really candid and provocative conversations. Our show is not rated, although we keep it clean. We also talk about taboo topics and talk about a lot of insights around business, finances and interpersonal things in life and how your meta mindset can take you to new and different places. Today we're going to talk about, in our business segment, connecting to customers and clients. People pay millions and millions of dollars to find out some of the simplest strategies that we're going to talk about today of how to really deeply connect to customers and clients. We have often made it so complicated, haven't we Lyman, that people don't even know what to expect anymore.

Speaker 1:

You know one of the things when you were talking, I was thinking about connection. Right, everyone wants to feel a sense of connection and, depending on whom you're talking about, we're not talking about thieves, we're not talking about mobile devices. We're talking about people actually sitting across the rooms, sitting across the table and connecting, because a lot of times we're like, well, I connect with 4,000 people a day. No, no, no, no, no. We're talking about personally connecting with them.

Speaker 2:

Or virtually, because I'm connecting with you right now.

Speaker 1:

You can do it virtually.

Speaker 2:

Next to voice, but virtually.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes.

Speaker 2:

No, it's true, really connecting, and I think so much of that is so much of business and sales becomes a game of manipulation. And who can outsmart?

Speaker 3:

the other.

Speaker 2:

As opposed to going back to you know, even what we might consider old-fashioned. Connecting to another person just because they're a person and they're unique and they're interesting and they have their own sets of personality, their own sets of wins and problems, and like just being interested, generally interested in people, is such an important part of staying connected and being connected.

Speaker 2:

So, today we're going to talk more about in a moment here, about clear communication, both amongst your team members and also, especially, with customers and clients, because this can really reduce, streamline your processes, it can reduce errors and, ultimately, is leading to increased profitability. So, lyman, I was wondering what is a scenario that you might want to share around when empathy with customers and clients isn't really working, when you, like you know, you're trying so hard and there's still some disconnect. I'm sure you've experienced that.

Speaker 1:

I remember several years ago I had a client that's kind of funny when I think about it who was a hairstylist and she was a fantastic hairstylist raised three young men two young men and a daughter excuse me single mom. But her dream had always been to be an attorney. And what happened to a lot of people you know. She had these dreams. She got a scholarship to go off to college, but it required a $129 application fee and everything she paid for she didn't have the $129, she went to her mom and she said mom, I got accepted into this great school. Everything's paid for except the $129 application fee. The mother said you would never make it. No one in our family ever graduated. Just be happy to graduate from high school. Yield her fast forward.

Speaker 1:

30 years later she's working as a hairstylist, three kids she's trying to raise. But that dream I met her at a conference I was speaking at and I talked about it's not over until you decide it's over. She came up to me and she said while I was inspired by what you said and she began to tell me about her dream, I began to work with her and and I gave her a simple instruction, which I'm gonna share later. But fast forward. She is a practicing attorney today and she went back to school, got an associate sir bachelor's and went to law school in her 40s and now she's a practicing attorney and I shared later about the strategy that I gave her to help her switch from I can't to I can.

Speaker 2:

I Can't to, I can, I love that so much, and and connecting our customers and clients is Such a big part of that. So it starts in our own mindset, meta mindset, right, which is where you will, where your belief system is about what you can and can't do you think. This is why we talk about Disrupting what's possible, because what we think is possible will be the limit of our possibilities until we're able to adjust that dial.

Speaker 1:

Think about the stuff we say. First of all, you got three kids, all right, you're a single mom, you're not making that much money. They need you, their teenager. Oh, by the way, her brother was killed, okay, and she's not going back to school. Can you imagine the negativity she had to overcome? But the good news is she didn't have to do it alone. So what I would say to a lot is stop trying to do it by yourself. That's why you need to partner with someone that have already blazed the trail. Stop trying to do it alone. And Again, we talked about empathy and I had empathize that my mom. She reminded me of my mom. My mom went back to school when she had four kids and I remember as a young boy watching my mother Walk across the stage to get her degree as an adult, and that did something. First I said if mom could do it, then there's no excuse. Sometimes all you need is a pattern and yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, it's amazing a pattern and we're creating a pattern. One of the things I love and I'm not gonna deviate too far here, but is that we create patterns in our own families and in our own history. People who have taken a stand to do things differently in our family heritage have changed the way about changed what we believe is possible.

Speaker 2:

So, she's saying such a great example for her kids, for example. This client of you know that we worked with. So what you can do is not it's not just for you, but it's for them. And Today, really, the metamind sick technique we want to talk about with this in building empathy and connecting to others, you know, if you visualize yourself walking in someone else's shoes and Find their points of resistance, we often realize what we can do to relate to them better. Give us a few examples of that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, great example would be, for example, if you can Visually see yourself with her. It Now you might say, well, how can I do that? I mean, if it's a female client or a woman client, how can I put myself in their shoes? It's all about being able to use empathy and I know that that is a forgotten word these days where, as people they want to, you know, hustling, bustling, fight and and clamor each other to get to the top. But no, it's all about being able. Can you relate, can you build rapport With that other individual? And that's what the key is Building a connection or building a report through the things we have in common. Now, we may disagree on a lot of things and Too often we highlight the items or the issues that we disagree, but the key is can we find common ground? What do we agree? Even within the disagreement, there can be agreement. An example had yeah, yes examples like you and I.

Speaker 1:

We may disagree on food. You may say lineman, you don't need to eat, that is not healthy. I may disagree that living a vegan lifestyle is portrait. But the common ground is how do we eat healthy?

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly this is really good and this is what we were talking about in our last episode is we don't all have to be in agreement. I think this is become a comic. Yeah, this theme of this show we don't always have to be in agreement as long as we're in Alignment. So so it's. If you have someone who is, you know, resisting a sale or resisting your Efforts to give them better customer service because they had a complaint, how can we, kind of like, step into their shoes? How? What does it mean to go meta? What are we doing differently in our heads than the next person?

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. You know. Part of that connection and being able to empathize or understand is asking yourself two questions. The first question is is what they're feeling real or imagine? Is it reasonable to feel this way? For example, if you were to survey a hundred people and you say I want you to jump off of this cliff and believe that this little court Wrapped around your leg is going to save you, called bungee jumping, how many out of that hundred would say, sure, no problem, here we go. So a person might feel resistant because you're asking them to do something that they've never done before. So the response or the resistance is natural, the same Resisting that you have.

Speaker 1:

The first time you probably rode a bike. The first time you probably flew in an airplane, on the airplane, or or took a trip over the Atlantic or the Pacifica, the Pacific is it? Oh my god, there's no. This water. Okay, I remember the first time I took an international flight. I was like Are we there yet? And it was a long, 16 hour flight Going to. I was on my way to Turkey, 16 hour flight to Turkey to speak, and and I was like feeling like, oh my god, what if? So many thoughts. But I had to realize something.

Speaker 1:

Lyman, it's okay, you're not the only one that's filling this. The second question and that you ask yourself is this Is it okay for me to vent? Is it okay? Because sometimes you need to get away, express the behavior, the emotion and then say oh, I got that out the way, now I'm gonna come out. Good example. Let's say I'm feeling anxiety and I'm feeling tense. I may need to go outside and just go ah, ah, ah, who got that out? I have to release that energy, but doing it in a constructive way. I wouldn't advise doing it in front of people, but sometimes you need that release and then you're like okay, let me come back.

Speaker 2:

Oh, this is good, this is good, and despite my voice, I'm gonna jump in here because I think oftentimes we have such a sanitized way of doing business and as a teacher and a coach both of us we know what it's like to give people an invitation to get comfortable, right.

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

If you have someone who is really resisting or really upset, instead of making them hold it together, it might be like listen, I hear your general issue and what's been going on. I'd like you to give you this opportunity to really vent, to just let me have it, because you know what I can handle it and I already have solutions, but I feel like we need to get this out of your system. So I'm gonna set a two-minute timer here and I'm like, just tell me everything you think that's the key in, and you know what's important.

Speaker 1:

I use it with my clients, we use it with our clients and here's the funny thing about it For so long they've been told keep it together, hold those emotions, and all they're doing is suppressing it and they become like a pressure cooker. They will explode. What we're seeing is, no, that anger, that emotion needs to be released. Let's do it in a constructive way so you don't blow up the place, figuratively speaking, and sometimes early, okay, but also that is done in a way that we can take it. I remember we had a client once and she was upset. Remember she was dealing with a product that's coming onto the market and she lost her vendor and she was so upset in our client in San Diego we said go ahead, let it go, it's okay, I don't care if it's profanity.

Speaker 1:

You have to get that out, because once you get that negative emotion out, guess what happened? It's like a rain cloud begins to dissipate and you can see clear why. Because you're not fogged with all that. Why did this happen? I don't understand. Get it out, because so long we've been told, as a woman, don't let them see you sweat. All women are supposed to be emotional, but as a man men don't cry Bullwacky I love this.

Speaker 2:

You better cry.

Speaker 2:

I love this and I think, asking intelligent questions to people without getting weird, you know exactly. So I realize you know we can do this, help solve our problem. But oh yeah, sorry everybody. Good, we had some tech issues this morning where basically the wind of change blew through and knocked our equipment over. But asking people like you know how does it make you feel Not like a therapist You're not supposed to be their therapist but you can say I'm sure this is so frustrating. What has been the most frustrating thing about no one ever asks that. Everyone always says, oh, here, let me fix it, here's the solution, here's the solution. Well, guess what? You can offer me 100 solutions, but if I still don't feel like I've been heard and we're going to talk about this in just a minute because we're about to move into the lifestyle section here in a minute or two, oh my goodness yes, Anne.

Speaker 2:

We're going to talk about things like real life home relationships and being heard and the importance of letting people know you heard, hear them. Letting people know that they can express themselves in a safe and timely way and that you can be not in agreement, but you can be in alignment.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let me ask you this, anne, as you were talking why do you feel that we've bought into this program? That's what it really is programming that we have to be like cool cucumbers, like an iceberg. No one sees any emotion, we're like stoic. Where does that come from? And people are dropping dead due to stress-related illnesses because they have all this pent-up anxiety. We saw it during the pandemic, we saw it during the election that now people are saying how do I get this out of me before I go crazy?

Speaker 2:

It's called, you know programming. It's called domestication. It's called sanitizing societies so that everything is nice and shiny, which means it's pretend it's F, fear of missing out. See, I came with a F-O-M-I FOMO fear of missing out. It's all of those things where we, we all, pretend everything is, as my grandpa used to say, hunky dory, like we always used to pretend like we're great, everything's amazing, but the fact is, it isn't really true, and I think that we're we're faced every day with an onslaught of just Advertising alone.

Speaker 2:

Wow, it's not just on TV, it's on the billboards, it's on social media, it's at the bank. I'm so offended now when I go to get gas and it's peaceful and the birds are singing and has a TV screen and they start yelling at me. I'm giving me advertisements and I'm like I just want to have a moments peace. But all of this is always the shiniest, happiest people. Everything is always shiny and happy, and what I think is so incredible about going meta, having a meta mindset, is really Empathizing in a new and different level. Many of us who've been in business for a long time, we've had training and understanding and listening and empathizing, but this is different because this is Permission for you to be yourself right now.

Speaker 2:

Yes and for me to truly hear you and you don't have to impress me. You can fall apart if you like, you can yell if you want, you can cry if you want, and I'm not gonna hold that against you as being Unprofessional. In five minutes, when we're done, we're gonna take a deep breath and then we're gonna look at the proactive side of things. But let's give each other permission to be real and isn't that the essence of disrupting what's possible?

Speaker 1:

Because what's possible is Wait a minute. The old paradigm has to shift and a friend of mine said it really has to die To be reborn, because we continue doing what we've always done. We will always get with interest, but we've always gotten. I Know it's not good English, but it makes sense.

Speaker 2:

I love it, it's perfect, it's perfect. So, so, um, so I love that, and let's switch over now into we're gonna take a really quick break for so that we can reset here, make sure our stuff isn't still blowing over. We're gonna reset right after this commercial will be back and we're gonna jump into our favorite segment even, which is about applying metamind set in life and especially around empathy. We'll be right back.

Speaker 4:

Unleash the power of strategic neuroscience with focused metamind set ink. Boost your decision-making, sales, sustainable growth and customer engagement. Scan the QR code now for an exclusive consultation. Elevate your profitability with focused metamind set ink.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to metamind stream with dr Lyman, montgomery and myself and Scotland. We're talking today about business and life and how empathy with those around us can go a long way. Taking it meta, doing things in a way that other people say isn't possible, oh, if you're not nice about it, it's not good business. Well, there's a time and place for everything. What about when you let to leave? Have to let your client just let out their frustration?

Speaker 2:

Yes instead of trying to just put stickers on it and covered up. It's like a dam, you know, and there's like the guy tries to plug the hole in the dam with all these difference, you know, little straws and and it kind of holds it back and then eventually it all blows up. You could lose the deal trying to be nice. So what about giving people permission for a specific amount of time or space to really express themselves? And now we're gonna talk about what this looks like in our everyday lives, not just business. Oh Gosh, I know whether it's gonna be so many fun examples here. Absolutely so. One of the things that we often talk about is how do we empathize when we're having Communication challenges? Let's just go straight to it and say At home or with a significant other.

Speaker 1:

I give you one that just happened the other day as I share before the the show. You know he had some car issues, practically is four years old, but I has, you know, some wobbly, wobbly, miss guess, that's the word, some wobbly wobbly is love, that word the stern was kind of wobbly so I Was looking online for something.

Speaker 1:

My wife came in and she asked me a simple question and I was kind of short with her because I was busy. I was frustrated and she responded in kind and I said why are you raising your voice at me? And she said, no, you raised your voice at me and I'm like, oh, sorry, but you know, we kind of laughed about it and moved on. But that could have been a situation. It could have been escalated, blown out. But she understood that I was frustrated because we were playing this big trip and I'm like, why would the car break down? The car knew we were supposed to go somewhere, but we got four cars, so I was the mere fact of a car breaking down. But that's an example of Having to empathize and say okay, and vice versa. She's like, okay, I know my husband is frustrated, we planned this trip and everything. So now yeah.

Speaker 1:

What's plan B? And she was real good because I got one. That's when I told you there was insane from the dealer and and she jumped in. She sent me a test. She's like, hey, same tires 50% cheaper and I included Alignment, everything goes. And again she could have been mad at me. He raised his voice to me. I ain't helping figure that yourself. Oh, what's he hit?

Speaker 2:

right. Well, she has empathy. She's feeling how you feel, because it might not what's important to you isn't always important to her, and vice versa. Again, you can be in an alignment without necessarily having to be in agreement as to what the outcome should be. Another thing I like to always tell when I'm working with my clients whether the business or just we're just out every day life, which is when you're talking about creating empathy with other people in your sphere.

Speaker 2:

Yes one of the best tools I know of is Having a sense of humor, bringing humor to the subject, because sometimes I mean my husband and I we have this sort of adorable way of like Bickering. It's not fighting, it's not even really arguing, it's more like, well, yes, but I remember I said this, will remember I said that. And we have this way of Integrating how much we appreciate each other into these conversations to the point where our friends all, if you guys would just tape your Kitchen conversations, you could make a million dollars on a show, because it's hilarious, because you interspersed the challenges with what you like and love about the person and you mean it. I appreciate you so much, honey. You do so much work for around the house and you're such a great dog, dad, and you made such an amazing dinner last night, you know, and and just the fact that you've let the dishes pile up to this extent, it really shouldn't bother me and I'm really working on it. You know it's. That's actually authentic, because I'm not being passive, aggressive.

Speaker 2:

He knows, the pile of dishes in the sink is like you know, mount Everest is bothering me, but I'm also Maxed out. You do a lot of work. I appreciate what you do and you can tell I'm bothered right now, but I'm also working on me, yes, like I'm working to not be as reactive, right. So let's both give each other permission to to be imperfect. Let's also bring Positive affirmation and gratitude to it, not fake, tell it. Smell it a mile away. I can't be like you're the most amazing person in the whole world, even if you think they are right. It has to be. You know like I'm so appreciated what you did, xyz, for me yesterday, and I know that sometimes I whine and complain, like right now. I just lost my patience around the dishes, but honestly I could not. I would not want to live with any other human being. I'm so glad that we do, because we get along and we know how to love each other's Problems as well as each other's strengths.

Speaker 1:

Loving that I go beyond, yes, going beyond, just to surface stuff. You know, my wife and I we have very intentional conversations and those but here's the theme our Viewing of programs, as far as television programs, are totally different. I Am a bench binge watcher. If I start a series, I don't care if it's like ten Seasons, I will stay with that for a month till I get through it. My wife, she'll watch two, maybe three, and go on to another one. Watched one I was boring, move to the other one, I'm like but aren't you curious about what happened? Nah, not worried about oh, yeah, no.

Speaker 1:

I mean here's the fix. I remember one time I said well, honey, we want to watch TV, so we agree that we're not series person together, so we'll watch a movie together. As long as under two hours, okay, and it's before nine o'clock, because after that she's going to bed, all right. But the alignment is, she knew, I like series, right, I like action. She's not, she's a. You got to have a love story. I watch it for one or two hours. Then I got to go see some action, but it's you bond and we. But she will watch an action movie with me For about an hour if it's not too violent and too many, you know, roll rage, driving, and then she'll go watch. Just okay, I need some happy time. We are connecting, but we don't agree on our movie choices.

Speaker 2:

But that's okay, so you don't always have to be in agreement, but you can be in alignment. So giving you permission To own their own space is really helpful, whether it's your client, whether it's a family member. You know, giving them permission to be who they are. We're all such different personalities, you know, and and you and I know that in in focused meta mindset in our company we do analysis of personalities for teams and how to build a perfect team that's balanced, but everyone has to.

Speaker 2:

You know, I have said if there was no other Little tiny piece of wisdom that I've ever said to anyone in my life, it would be the same old thing I say every single week there's two sides to every coin. You get a super mega achiever. They're gonna have an opposite. Like they get impatient easily. You have someone who knows how to make money out their ears. You got to be patient with them. They may know strategy, but they may be terrible with timekeeping. You have to know that everyone's gonna have those pros and cons, those strengths.

Speaker 2:

So if you give them permission to have their say to, to let it out once in a while and and then and just Readjust, like I know pretty soon again the sense of humor can come back into it. Frank, I know you're gonna have to sit there and tell us for five minutes why this is a terrible idea in this meeting. So why don't you just go ahead, let's do it now. Go, frank, go, you know, like make it fun. And then he's like you're like okay, well, thank you for sharing. He recap what he said you have been heard. Now we're gonna share a different opinion, you know, but find ways it doesn't have to be so damn serious.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I love that. I love what you said. Sometimes you find the person who's very time conscious. Make them a timekeeper. They will love you. What I'm in charge for one. Yes, woo, you have someone as negative. Make them your QA person. You say listen, tom, going back to your time person, tell me everything that's wrong and why it won't work, but then tell me what we need to do to make it work. So you don't get on with the hook by just telling me what's wrong, but now you've got to tell me how would it work Exactly. Now they begin to tap into the other side of their brain, because right now they're just on one side, but now you switch them to the other side. It's OK, you pointed out the gaps. What's wrong, what will not work, why it will not work, what will what won't work? Now tell me the solution, and, by the way, three minutes or less.

Speaker 2:

Three minutes or less. Oh, my goodness, this went so fast today and we're going to have to wrap it up, but I'm just so excited. You all have joined us again On episode three. We are up and rolling. We are so excited. If you could see the stuff we have coming up for you, you would already be just jumping up and down. We're going to have so much fun. Coming on to the next episode, number four.

Speaker 2:

So always streaming live on Tuesdays. Please check us out, on whatever platform you're watching, whether it's been live or if it's been pre-recorded. Please like, please subscribe, please share. We're a family. We're a global family. Let's go meta together. Let's make life more possible in positive ways, so that we can use tools and techniques from neuroscience to make the bottom line better and to make life easier. What could possibly be better than that? And check us out. As you've seen streaming here on our website, focusmetamindsetcom, we do all kinds of education, speaking, coaching and consulting. So for whatever level you're looking at to take your business or team to the next level, to improve mindset and performance, check us out. We always have something there for you. Our email there is also as well, or you can message us directly on the site and again, that's focused with ED, if you're just listening and not watching focusedmetamindsetcom. Any closing thoughts? Lyman?

Speaker 1:

I would just say to us keep connecting. It's one thing to just reach across the aisle, whether virtually or physically, but that doesn't necessarily touch, doesn't always mean connection, Connection of the mind, the heart and the soul. So keep connecting, genuinely and authentically Connect. I love that.

Speaker 2:

I love that. Keep connecting and connect with someone else today. Share our episode, forward them the link and just share so we can enjoy this conversation together. We would love to hear your comments, your questions, your topic suggestions and we can't wait to get even more engaged with you as we go forward. Thank you so much for being with us here today and from Dr Lyman Montgomery and myself. Be well, and you don't always have to be in agreement, but find the alignment.

Speaker 1:

Yes, absolutely, well said.

Speaker 2:

See you next time. Thanks, bye-bye.

Speaker 5:

Unleash the power of focused meta mindset lunch and learn sessions. Sharpen problem solving skills, spark innovation, foster collaboration and build adaptability and resilience. Elevate your team's success and profits. Discover more at wwwfocusmetamindsetcom.

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