"MetaGagement-HR" with Dr. Lyman Montgomery and Anne Scottlin, MA, CPC
Welcome to "MetaGagement-HR," the essential podcast for HR professionals looking to push the boundaries of traditional employee engagement. Join your hosts, Dr. Lyman Montgomery and Anne Scottlin, as they delve into innovative strategies and practical insights for fostering a truly inclusive and effective workplace.
Each episode, they explore the latest trends, tackle the biggest challenges, and provide the tools you need to transform your organization. Whether you're navigating post-pandemic changes, enhancing workplace culture, or integrating holistic approaches to employee well-being, "MetaGagement-HR" is your guide to elevating the HR experience. Tune in to stay ahead in the evolving world of human resources!
"MetaGagement-HR" with Dr. Lyman Montgomery and Anne Scottlin, MA, CPC
Breaking Free from the 'Always Seeking Knowledge' Syndrome to Achieve Real Results
Ever felt like you're on a treadmill of learning, absorbing knowledge but going nowhere? Together with my co-host Dr. Lyman Montgomery, we tackle the 'ASK' syndrome head-on – that's Always Seeking Knowledge without execution. Our chat unravels the paradox of knowledge hoarding seen in both Hollywood and business coaching, where advice is sought but seldom acted upon. We share candid tales from our personal brushes with ASK individuals, and serve up seasoned advice on transitioning from endless planning to impactful doing.
Diving into the business side, we dissect the endless loop of questions that lead to paralysis by analysis and how to snap out of it. We'll equip you with techniques to redirect your quest for information into a powerful, purposeful dialogue that doesn't just end with a nod, but with a handshake on a deal. You'll come away with tools for ensuring your questions are purpose-driven, conversations stay sharp, and how an accountability system can keep you on the path to progress.
Finally, we stitch together the importance of alignment in life and business, using the metaphor of navigating Europe's narrow streets to exemplify the need for a common direction over mere agreement. We discuss how to turn the human love for drama into a force for creative output, and conclude with insights on steering clear of the complaint culture to embrace a solution-oriented approach. Join us as we share real-life stories and strategies, promising to shift your perspective and potentially, your trajectory.
and today's episode is called don't be an ask. That's an acronym. Don't be an ask.
Speaker 2:Right, lyman, take it away you know, when we say don't be an ask okay, not the other one, but, as you said, ask, don't be ass what we're talking about are those individuals that are always seeking. Now that's what ass stands for Always seeking out but never executing. Give you an example, and you ever had this happen, maybe when you were in Hollywood, or maybe it was a concierge. Well, someone will come up to you and say, hey, can I pick your brain, can you give me two minutes? And of course we want to help people. And so they say, sure, no problem, but we're thinking two minutes, and that two minutes turns into 20 minutes and they're asking you a litany of questions. You give them advice only for a week or two. Later they come back and say I know, you told me to do X, y, z, but I didn't have time. And now the situation is worse.
Speaker 3:Unleash your potential with MetaMindstream Disrupting possibilities. Dive into the fusion of positive neuroscience and business strategies with Anne Scotland and Dr Lyman Montgomery. Break free from limiting beliefs, expand extraordinary lives and boost business profitability.
Speaker 1:Welcome, welcome, welcome back to Focused MetaMindstream. We are so excited to have you here today helping us disrupt what's possible, which means in your business and your life. How do we get rid of those limiting beliefs and what are the practical steps we can take to overcome them and move our business and our life experience into a much happier and more easy place of living? Why live life the hard way, right Lyman?
Speaker 2:Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:So when we do this, if you are just joining us, we do this by combining the principles of positive neuroscience with actionable business strategies later lifestyle strategies. In the two parts of the show, first half is business, the second half is about lifestyle. We have a lot of fun there. If you are just viewing with us for the first time, please like, subscribe and share this link with someone who would enjoy the show. We would super appreciate that. So what we do here is we basically have a candid and provocative conversation. We talk about meta mindset, what that means, about its influence in your daily life. We explore some taboo topics that are sometimes like what Nobody talks about this, but we're not afraid to, and offering those insights for achieving financial stability and less stress. So we're really excited to share this day with you, and today's episode is called Don't Be an ASK. That's an acronym Don't be an ask. Right, lyman? Take it away.
Speaker 2:You know, we say don't be an ask. Ok, not the other one, but, as you said, a-s-k. Don't be an ask. What we're talking about are those individuals that are always seeking knowledge. That's what ask stands for always seeking knowledge, but never executing. Give you an example, ann. You ever had this happen, maybe when you were in Hollywood, or maybe it was a concierge. Well, someone will come up to you and say hey, can I pick your brain? Can you give me two minutes? And of course we want to help people. And so you say, sure, no problem. But we're thinking two minutes, and that two minutes turns into 20 minutes and they're asking you a litany of questions. You give them advice Only for a week or two. Later they come back and say I know you told me to do X, y, z, but I didn't have time. And now the situation is worse. Can I pick your brain?
Speaker 1:again. Ok, I have an example of this. One of the things that you would always easily get sucked into in Hollywood in particular was people, and I give them a little credit for being a good salesperson. But I didn't respond. I was too nice. So they would say hey, do you just have a minute of your time? And you know someone you've been introduced to before and you're like yeah, sure, and they're like awesome, I was just wondering if you could do me the tiniest favor. I'm like yeah, of course. They're like listen, I just emailed you my entire manuscript. Can you read it for me? Proofread it? Let me know all your thoughts.
Speaker 1:Well, I am meticulous at my own. Writing takes me years sometimes. So I'm like well, I'm really busy right now, but I'll try to take a look, and especially if it's someone, you're like oh, I really want to help this young artist. You know, I really think they're amazing. And so over the next two or three months, you like slave away at this manuscript that need lots of work. And you're like okay, here it is. And then they're like oh, oh, thanks, I really appreciate that. But yeah, we decided not to make it. And you're just like complete waste of time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it happens. And you know, I'm reminded of a friend of mine we went to school together that for about two years would call me periodically for the same situation. Hey man, uh, you still doing business coaching? Yes, I am. Well, I'm thinking about starting a business and I wanted to pick your brain and find out, as far as financing, which option should I do? Should I do debt financing? And eventually I said, let me ask you something. This is the fourth conversation we've had. Have you even registered for your business yet? Oh, no, I'm still gathering information. I said I'll tell you what when you do the first part, at least come up with a business name, then call me. Never heard from him again. No, he would call periodically, at least once twice a year. That same situation, ask a thousand questions. You give him advice, do this, this and the other, and he never executed.
Speaker 1:Wow, advised do this, this and the other, and he never executed. Wow, and I think that what we're saying right here before we go to our first break is, instead of taking action, they only ask. So asking versus action is the difference. You can ask a little and take a lot of action, and then maybe ask again. But when you just ask and people get confused because they think the energy expended in asking is somehow taking them towards the goal, it is, but not if it's asking alone. If you aren't applying it, if you aren't taking action, making application, it doesn't matter how much knowledge you gather, you're never going to get there. Well, this is amazing. I think it's going to be really fun. So, everybody, stick around. We're going to take a quick commercial break, come back to this and then also in our second half, we're going to talk about, in the lifestyle segment, people who always complain but never apply solutions, don't even get started. But first we're going to to go back to. Don't be an ask, we'll see you in a moment.
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Speaker 1:Okay, okay, welcome. Welcome back to Focus, meta Mindset and Meta Mindstream today with Dr Lyman Montgomery and myself, and we're talking about in our business segment today don't be an ask, that is an A period, s period, k period, in case you're just joining us and Lyman, tell us a little bit more about this. And then also, what are some action steps we can do to get out of this fuffle? I guess is what my grandma used to call it that we get ourselves into. What can we do?
Speaker 2:When you are in business or you're thinking about going in business and maybe you're meeting with a client or a potential client, you want to steer clear of people that are asked A-S-K. Not the other one that all of us have but what happens is you can find yourself in this information answer loop where they ask questions, you provide information, they ask another question, you provide information, and it's almost like being on that proverbial hamster wheel where they never get off to implement. So, for those of you that are just joining us, ask is an acronym that stands for always seeking knowledge, yet fail to execute. These are the ones that will say things like this hey, you have two minutes for me to pick your brain. Hey, can we do lunch? I want to answer a couple of questions.
Speaker 2:Or they might say you know, I know you've worked with me before and I know I'm probably bothering you, me before it, and I know I'm probably bothering you, but it'll really, really help me if you could just spend a few minutes to help me solve a problem, and you would do that. And they come back again and never implement. So how do we now overcome that, ann? And let me ask you this question, because it's kind of interesting. Have you ever been in a situation in where someone has called you and said I know you've helped me in the past and I still want to be a client of yours, but I just got a couple of more questions before I sign up. You ever had that happen?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That's a loop. That's a loop, it's a trap. Notice what they said. I know I want to be a customer, but I got a few more questions and this might be the third or fourth conversation. You've answered all of their questions and what they're doing is they're trying to build a house without getting a construction crew or an architecture firm. They're trying to go in alone, do it themselves. They're going to mess it up because they don't want to invest in themselves and get an expert.
Speaker 2:So how do we get out of that loop, ian? The first one is when a person asks a question, make sure that that question is tied to a purpose. So I would always say something like this so, if I understand, the purpose of your question is you want to know X, y, z, and they oftentimes will say yeah, then I say I might follow up with when it comes to asking questions. What do you plan to do with the information that's provided to you? Because that's going to let me know if they say well, you know, I'm just curious, curious. Cut them off If you get answers like well, I just want to know for curiosity or for knowledge. Say, you ever had that one happen? Oh, I'm just curious.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I have had that happen and it's like, oh my God. And over time, you start getting to the point where you're like, okay, this is a waste of time, and you start learning these steps that you're sharing right now. And one of the little tools I do, which is you know the purpose of asking is I answer their question with a question.
Speaker 1:Because, I'm going to put the burden on them, not me. I'm going to put the question with the question. I'm happy to be helpful and I will be, but instead of letting them kind of goad you through a meaningless conversation, it's like ask them a question. You can make a sale out of it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, that is great. The second point of the three point is number one. Make sure that they're learning with the purpose. So they're asking because they really want to learn and there's a purpose for it. The second is focus them. Are they focused? Are they scattered? Are they like squirrels all over the place? If a person is like a squirrel in their conversation, you have to bring them into focus, to your point, by asking a question. So you mentioned five different things. What are you willing to work on first, so you not only focus them but you help them set a clear path or prioritize, rather than there's five questions and five sub questions to the five questions. So before you know it, you've spent 25 minutes and have answered 50 questions. When they start off, they only need two minutes of your time. The third part is do they have an accountability system?
Speaker 1:I got to go back to the squirrel here. So would you remember that? Uh, that video that went around YouTube a few years ago. It was about a golden retriever and a squirrel and of course it had the over the narration over the top of what the golden retriever is thinking in his brain. He's looking at this, he's looking at his toy, he's looking at that, and then he literally goes. His entire body goes like this because he sees a squirrel and the question it's really funny if you can find it to watch it. But so in our house, whenever someone is jumping to is easily distractible and is not staying on target, when they're not staying focused, we say squirrel, squirrel there you go.
Speaker 1:Anyway, that's fun to use in my house, no it is.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely funny. I'm sorry I'm cracking myself up because I see that image.
Speaker 1:You'll enjoy it. I promise You'll see it. It's very fun.
Speaker 2:You know people, you talk to them and they're all over the place and you have to refocus them by asking a question to your point earlier. And the third part of that is asking so what do you plan to do with this and who's going to hold you accountable? That's probably the most important question, the accountability piece piece Because, let's face it, if I'm going to take time away from business to spend time with someone, I want to know number one, the purpose or the intent behind it. Are they focused? Do they have a clear path to where they need to go or would like to go? And then I want to know so who's going to hold you accountable for making sure it's done?
Speaker 2:Oftentimes this leads to a nice sale. They say you know, I really don't have. That's probably the biggest problem. Well, that's why you need a coach and we can help you when you partner with us. We serve as that accountability partner to keep you on task, to make sure you stay focused and not be like that rock wilder or retriever, I think you said, running around chasing squirrels all over the country.
Speaker 1:And it's so true. Yeah Well, I want to touch on accountability here, because you're just bringing it up again, which is, you know, the kind of accountability that we use. So when we're working with our clients, as you know, accountability is a friendly, fun experience. 95% of the time, we don't want to be taskmasters. We don't want to be you know. We're just like give us bookends, check in, let's touch base with you, let's go over the checklist Every time we talk like how are we constantly keeping you moving towards your goal?
Speaker 1:Not static. Most people set goals and stay static. I'm like don't stay static, you got to keep moving. And then, every now and then, you know maybe 5% of the time, you get to someone where it's like they're being incredibly stubborn and not taking action and you're like you know you're paying me really good money to give you answers, to take your business to exactly where you want it, but you won't do anything. So we're going to get you know then. Then you come up that tiny little 5% of sort of tough love. If they don't respond to that, then we're like you know what? I just don't have time to work with you because you're not taking action. I like I don't want to be someone's like mean boss. I want to be your partner, your friend, your buddy, who gives you positive encouragement and accountability, not nasty accountability. And if that's what you're looking for, then I'm the wrong person.
Speaker 2:And you know, there's two questions on the questionnaire that we like to ask, and that is a willingness versus an inability. You can work with someone that might lack the inability they don't have the skill, they don't have the knowledge, they don't have a way forward, a clear path forward. But if a person or persons are unwilling to do the work, there's very little we can do for them, and that's why it has to be a situation where it's mutually beneficial for both, and we've had people pay a deposit, pay a retainer, but they simply won't do the work. It's almost as if they think, if I pay X amount of dollars, then magically, through osmosis or something, the work is going to get done, and that's absolutely a fallacy. You have to do the work. Our role is to guide you to where you want to be, to identify the gaps in your business, in your life, and create a path forward for you, but also walk with you on that journey to success. However you define success, would you agree, ann?
Speaker 1:A qualified thought partner is what we do that's our job as business coaches is to be a trained and qualified thought partner. You wouldn't need us if you had all the answers right so, but when you need answers you don't have, we are trained and qualified to give you those as your thought partner, and what I love about that is it's a creation in progress. Whatever it is you're building in your business or your life, even, it's a creation in progress and we're your thought partner, which is fun and exciting.
Speaker 2:I love it. I love it, and that's so true. You know a thought partner to help you think through, work through, but ultimately you have to be about doing the work. You know we can help you in so many different areas, but the one thing we cannot do we cannot do the hard work for you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah. No, you have to do your own work. It's you know you can have the best Olympic coach in the whole world to yourself, but if you don't do the training, you will never win. You can throw millions of dollars if someone will sponsor you at that best Olympic coach. If you don't do the training, you will never win. Now, if you do the training and don't hire a coach, you probably also will never win.
Speaker 1:And this is what people tend to forget about in accountability, and we always remind them around. The principles of a focused meta mindset is it's a team effort. No one is so smart that they have all the answers to the challenge or their business needs, because we all have different personalities, different experiences, different training. But bringing in experts who know how to fill in those gaps and work with you moving in the same direction, that's genius and that's when you see things really get done.
Speaker 1:I mean, how many times do we see teams trying to function without direction? Or how many times do we see an entrepreneur who struggles to build their business and five, 10, 15 years later they are still nowhere because the elements of personality and skill that they needed, they didn't internalize all of them. They didn't have all those skills and gifts and they were like oh, I can do it myself, I'm not going to spend money on wasting my money on other people, but you don't have a team, you don't have a business and I don't care whether that's people you pay or don't pay. If you don't have a team, you don't have a real functional that is so true.
Speaker 2:That is so, absolutely true and we've seen it time and time again. I don't care how great you are personally If you look at let's take sports, for example. Care how great you are personally If you look at let's take sports, for example. Michael Jordan, who many would consider to be one of the greatest ballplayers of all time, had a coach. You look at LeBron Jordan what do they have in common? Coaches. You look at skaters, whether it's downslope skiing or figure skating, they all have coaches, because you cannot see your own blind spots. Let me prove this real quick. I want everyone, without the use of a mirror, to tell me what's in the middle of your back. Go ahead, Try, you cannot do it. You cannot see what's in back of you without some type of assistance, either a mirror or someone saying, hey, what's in back? And too often people are trying to drive their car looking forward in reverse.
Speaker 1:You're going to hit something that whole thing of not being able to see on your back. That just reminds me of that old high school prank those nasty boys you're always putting mean notes on your back and other people's back and everyone's laughing and you're like what, what, what, yeah, yeah until your friend says you got something on your back.
Speaker 2:Exactly because we're designed, we're created, we evolve to move forward. But you need someone to cover your rear cya, cover your assets. You need someone to cover your assets because you cannot see in back of you. So that's the purpose of a coach to be able to do a 360, see what's in front, what's on the side. Now you can see someone through your periphery, but wouldn't it be better to have someone say hey, I got you and that's what coaching, that's what working with consultants do Someone that can see what's in back of you or your past and help you make a path forward?
Speaker 1:So let's talk to for a moment going back to don't be an ask and the solutions, the actionable steps to and if anyone's just joining us now, ask stands for always seeking knowledge and parentheses after that would be never taking action. So one of the key points you said in taking action is focus and prioritizing. And what are some steps that our viewers can use to specifically increase their focus? Because I think prioritizing sometimes you know we do lists, but focus is hard. So talk about focus just a little.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So whenever you feel yourself distracted, you're looking at multiple different things always ask yourself this question. This has to bring you questions to your focus, what you focus on you tend to do, for example, if I'm distracted or I have three or four different ideas, how do I narrow that down to the one singular idea? By asking a question similar to this what is in alignment with what I hold to be true? Be true, that question right there eliminates probably two-thirds of them. This one doesn't feel right. This one there's something about it. But which of these is in alignment with what I hold to be true? And that's going to help you narrow it down. There's other things, but just asking that simple question will at least help narrow your opportunities and bring things closer into focus. Because remember, we've said as many, many times on this show it's not always agreement, but it is about alignment.
Speaker 1:That's an example alignment as an example? Absolutely no. I think that's so, so important and that's as you said. We we mentioned that so many times. It is such a key element in the principles of a focused meta mindset. Uh, because when you're not in agreement but you're in alignment, you can still have motion is how I see it, because you can work side by side in the same direction.
Speaker 1:You can still have motion is how I see it because you can work side by side in the same direction. But if you're going head to head in a narrow space and you can't get past each other, whether that's your own conflicting issues, whether that's a team member, whether that's someone else in your world, you're going nowhere. If you have, I don't know. I just got back from Portugal and you know, like many of the really old European cities, some of the streets in these old, old cities are barely the width of a very tiny Fiat, and so there's been more than once that I've basically gotten stuck by, you know, taking the wrong turn, ending up in one of these tiny streets. People's front doors, like literally, they can't open their door if your car is there that's how narrow it is and so we have fireworks going off, which is better um so uh
Speaker 1:those are the sparks from my mirrors. I think that was what was happening anyway. And then here comes a car the other way, uh, someone with a trailer who's really annoyed and wants to just make their delivery, and you didn't know it was one-way street, et cetera, et cetera. Where are you going? Absolutely nowhere.
Speaker 1:So this point is this is why we get deadlocked when confrontation and when we are trying to always be in agreement. We get deadlocked because the only way to get out of this being stuck is one person has to admit or take a defeating position and back away. I was fine, I'll back away. You know, if you both back away, then you're like you both come back in. Right, it's like it's my turn. It's my turn, it's my turn, I was being nice, but instead it's like no, let's find a street that works, let's go in alignment. We can have two lanes, we can go side by side and when we're side by side, we can both achieve our goal. And that's such an important concept to understand in your meta mindset and how the ways it can change your life are endless.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like, for example, real quick, and then we've got a break coming up. It's almost like saying, you know, I got this great big SUV trying to go through this narrow truck. We're heading the same direction. What if I park my SUV and we share a ride streets rather than I'm trying to force my way, this great big SUV that's going to tear up some stuff or injure myself or get stuck, yeah, and then unable to even get out of the vehicle, and so sometimes it's about you know what. We're heading the same direction. It's okay, I'm going to park my idea here and I'm going to join with and get in her vehicle, because her vehicle will get us there quicker and safer than me being beholden to my great big, grandiose idea.
Speaker 1:And it's still about being in alignment, because even if I get in your car or vice versa, we're still both facing forward and we're next to each other.
Speaker 1:We're still in alignment going this way, as opposed to having to be in agreement. You know it's a fine line and people always argue with that example, but it's such a powerful principle. Well, we do have to take our last break and we have a little more great stuff for you in our lifestyle segment coming up right after the break. We're going to talk about something right up the alley we've been discussing. Right after the break, we're going to talk about something right up the alley we've been discussing People who always complain but never apply solutions. Stay tuned, We'll be right back.
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Speaker 1:Welcome back to our final segment of Focused Meta Mindstream, our show Meta Mindstream. So excited to have you here on our episode today and we just finished our business segment and it's called Don't Be an Ask A-S-K. And if you didn't see that part, you're going to want to go back after this has been recorded because it's a fun and very practical segment on what are the applications you can take to change your business right now and, as always, be in alignment not necessarily agreement, brand new stuff. You're going to want to check it out. But now we're in our lifestyle segment, which is often the most fun and what we're talking about today again, people who aren't necessarily in alignment, lyman people who always complain but never apply solutions. Oh, my goodness, I have had two or three prime examples of that in my life. Also many smaller examples, but in lifestyle, since we're talking about life now, there's been a couple of friendships that I've had to I'll call truncate, not terminate, but limit limit.
Speaker 1:Not terminate, but limit limit Because I'm a sensitive person, I'm an intuitive person. I, you know, I reflect people's energy and I would hang out with someone who I'd known since childhood and they were so negative.
Speaker 1:Not a family member, just to be clear, friend Always complaining. All they ever did was complain and as we got older it just got worse and finally, you know, as an adult I had to be like, yeah, I'm just not being going to be so available anymore because it would get me so down. And I'm a natural born coach, which means drives my husband crazy, because I always have a solution for everything. Sometimes he doesn't want a solution, he just wants to complain. So, fair enough to each their own. I understand it can be aggregating whichever side of the wall you're on on that. No, he, he takes very practical steps. But sometimes, you know, people just want to complain and I think that's totally normal every now and then. But when that's your constant mode of conversation, you just can't do it anymore. I'm like I can't. Here's 17 ways you could solve this problem or at least take one small step Next time you go to lunch. It's the same old thing with this friend. Have you ever experienced that?
Speaker 2:working in healthcare. I was a nursing assistant in high school and this is the time I wanted to be a hospital nursing home administrator many, many years ago. And so I'm like 16, 17, working in this nursing home and there was this little old lady that I would take care of. I would help get her ready in the morning, bathe her, dress her and everything, and every time I got ready to leave she would magically never fail. Oh, oh, I just got a pain. Can you come turn me over, and I would go and adjust her bed, turn her over right, getting ready to leave, are you okay, ms Johnson? Let's say her name is Ms Johnson. I'll remember her name. Yes, I'm fine. So later, oh, oh, can you come back and just sit with me? What's wrong, ms Johnson? Oh, I don't know. I just feel and what she really wanted was attention. And so what I realized is sometimes people complain because that's the only way they can get attention because that's the only way they can get attention.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, I think so because, you know, I think it can become a rut and a habit and obviously some people fall into it more naturally with their personality type. I have this one friend who is love. This friend have known them my whole life. I'm not going to not be their friend, but they are very entertaining and they are a teller of tall tales. Have you ever met in the teller of tall tales?
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's your own liar in this case, yeah, and they're like always the center of the party. Everybody loves them and I'm out there listening and I've known them for too long, right, because I'm like, yeah, sure you did. Oh my, my God, yes, oh my gosh, how can anyone believe you and people are around like this? It's sort of like that addiction, being a complainer being negative.
Speaker 1:Especially with complaining, you get addicted, as you were saying, to being the center of attention and maybe their life is boring, maybe they don't think they're naturally interesting, maybe they grew up in a family of complainers, which in my experience was true of this, of that person, and I felt bad for them, but that didn't mean that they didn't pull me down every time I was around them because I was like I just can't do it anymore. So the good news is becoming aware of, you know, complaining as a habitual complaining, but never applying solutions, is a step in the right direction.
Speaker 2:That is correct. That is correct. You know that attention seeking behavior, going back to family dynamics and sometimes it can be the only way I was recognized was either I got in trouble or I created these tall tales. Now in the business world we call those misstatements of the fact. Now, from where I come from, you just find out lying. You just telling a tall lie black, white, pink, yellow is still a lie because it's untrue, but we like to dress it up.
Speaker 2:I always say if you have a child, for example, that tells a lot of tall tales, that might be an indication this person being an author or into film where they create these stories. And I remember as a child I had a friend the same way, ann, that would create these stories that were so believable that people would walk around and say, oh, did you hear what so-and-so did he blah, blah, blah? And someone say that never happened, he just made that up. But he told the story with such conviction and was animated that he had all of us duped into thinking this person was telling us the truth.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well and I've gotten my. I've stepped on a few tails by accident in that, including my own, because I'll be like no, he didn't. I went to school with him and they're like no, they said he went to school in, like he lived in New York City when he went to high school. I'm like I have pictures of us in high school in California. What do you want from me? They're like no, no, he went to. I'm like, and what's really always astonishing to me is that people really truly believe it, and they believe it to such an extent that when you contradict it with like, you bring a photo. I actually brought a photo once and the person in question the one who was believing this tall tale was like yeah, no, that doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:Like there's actually a shut off. So, yes, it's incredible what people can do and I do not support the behavior. If someone's been a friend for life, there's certain kinds of people that you can't just leave forever, but they're too close to the fold. But you know or sometimes family members right.
Speaker 1:You're going to see them on holidays, but you know, or sometimes family members right, you're going to see them on holidays, but you know how do you choose to spend your own time? And for myself, how can I focus on taking action, as we've talked about today, instead of complaining? Because complaining without action is just it's lame. I'm going to come up with a different word it's weak, it's, it's not a vibrant way to live your life. It's a guaranteed disaster. Your life will just keep getting worse because, as we all know, with the most basic neuroscience, what you focus on is what you create. So, if you're complaining all the time, you're going to just create more complaining, more drama, and you're never going to get out of that hole, which is something we're actually going to talk about in the next episode.
Speaker 2:One of the things you were talking about that it reminded me remember that segment, I think it was Saturday Night Live the whiners. Oh yeah, you know, the cousins to the whiners are the complainers. Okay, and generally they kind of work off of each other. When you have someone that will whine about, well, just help me. Oh, woe is me. That's my whiner's voice, y'all, for those of you that are listening. And then you have the complainers that are cousins to them. Well, I don't understand why this happens Always. You know good example. Well, how's the weather? It's nice out, man, it's too damn hot. You go out there, it might get sunburned. It's raining Now. The farmers, they love it. I've been waiting on the rain, you know, for my flower bed. Oh, there's damn rain. I can't even go outside. Wow, we can build a snowman. Oh, there's snow. I got to get out there and shovel it.
Speaker 1:Gosh, it's the truth. What these people don't realize is they're really digging a hole. H period, O period, L period, E period, which is the second part of this team. Today it's going to be our next episode. So today was don't be an ask. The next episode is going to be don't be a hole. We're going to have a little bit more fun. We hope you will all join us and um, and thank you again for sticking with us here today. If you had fun, please share this link with someone who would enjoy and appreciate it, and also like and subscribe so we can keep this coming to you. As always, we are streaming right here this day and time, and after our live stream, you also have the recorded version on the same link. So we'll see you next time and make sure you're not being an ask.
